I know I screwed my chance with that half-planned, poorly executed wedding proposal. It wasn't supposed to be like that. I thought I had the perfect surprise to sweep you off your feet as I declare my love and pledge a life of forever with you. I already pictured your supposed reaction and utter surprise once I appear out of nowhere, when I was supposed to be 1,500 miles away.
I would have asked you to walk with me in the enchanting street of Singapore. Yes, it was supposed to happen in your Singapore trip. I would have talked about Steve Jobs (I was reading his bio that time) and his preference of walking specially when trying to negotiate or before making crucial decisions. I'm about to ask you to make a big decision so I taught it was a good prelude. I'd also talk about "Before Sunrise" and how you totally sold the film to me telling me how you really liked it and how I ended up liking it as well.
At that point you'd get a little excited, seeing the similarity between Jesse and Celine, with us, walking in a foreign land and having this carefree conversation about seemingly random stuff. I would have talked about how I admired your dedication to help your family, of how easy you get along with others and how, most of all, you've really changed my life. Sounds cliche, I know, but you helped me understand the things that I should value more. I'd then tell you how it's not in my character to fly 1,500 miles to Singapore just to simply surprise you on the eve of your birthday. I'm not the kind of person who makes such lavish decisions, but I'd be quick to point out that I am willing to do anything to let you know how important you are to me, and that I am willing to do anything for you. I'd then talk about all the hardships and pain we needed to overcome and how this moment will be our fresh start that we can look back into and how excited I am of our future together.
At that moment, I'd pull out a ring and go down on my knees and ask that you spend the rest of your life with me.
It is still too vivid and perfect. I had it all planned out in my head. But circumstances did not allow any of that to happen. Yes, we are now engaged, but it was nowhere close to what I had planned. I was an idiot to bail out after I learned you rebooked your flight a day early. My head just went blank the moment I found out and I couldn't think straight. I was so disappointed that everything I planned all led to nothing. I wish I have replanned. I wish I didn't jump at the first opportunity to pull out that ring and ask for your hand because you definitely deserved more. I don't want to live in regret knowing that I could have done more than what I gave. I know how important it was for you to have that perfect moment that we can always go back to as the years go by. I wish I could just rewind every moment of that day but the world just doesn't work that way.
I will make up for it. I am willing to do anything for our relationship to work and I will make sure our wedding is something that we will cherish forever. I want to have wonderful memories of us and I want our future children to know it too. This blog will be our witness.
Cheers to a wonderful life with you!
Julius
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